Just Venting

Well today is like any other day. A little pain, tiredness, and dialysis. You know I try not to complain as much but sometimes you have to get off your chest. But see I take it like this there are people who are going through allot more than I am, so why should I complain? If it wasn't for the hard times, how would we know how to celebrate the good times. I have learned to have patients since I was dx with this illness. But anyway just want to vent a little.

A differnt Life

A year ago I was dx with SLE. And due to the Lupus, Kidney Failure, Fibromyalgia, and it also caused me to have seizures. I stayed in the hospital for close to two months straight and was in and out for like 5 months. But I thank God I havent been in the hospital for a couple of months. I am on Chemotherapy. I also have 5 differnt doctors. You know at first I thought I wasnt going to make it. I thought to myself Lord I wish I had my mother, but later on I relized that I was being selfish because God needs my mother more than me. Lord it took some praying. Im talking about I am a prayer warrior now. I just want to thank God for this testimony.

Controlling Lupus

So today I was doing some thinking and planning. I want to get my legs stronger than what they are so I can walk longer and climb up the stairs to my house. But its like everytime I say I'm going to walk today my body feels like s**t. Then I feel like a let down to myself. But not anymore I'm going to push myself once again and get myself in shape if that means eating carrots and celery than thats what its going to be. I cannot let this Lupus control me I have to control it.

SELF ESTEEM

It is becoming a real problem to have Lupus. I twitch and shake now for no reason. Its like an anxiety thing. Man it is so embarrassing. People don't understand how Lupus has a big impact on your self esteem. My face is fat it makes me look like I weigh 200 pounds by the face. But my body is only 154. I cant wear heels anymore. So I feel like my sexiness is out the door. I have been single going on 3 years, and I just got diagnosed last year in March and now I figure I'll never be in a relationship again. Is there anyone out there going thru what I going thru.

My Days Ahead!

Well lately I ave been feeling ok except I have been a little sore. You know life has a funny way of slowing you down. My stop sign said, Lupus. You know everyday is a struggle in life period, but when you add something else to that list of shit you don't need it makes it harder. I talk to my friends and family about this strange disease I have. I try to give them as much information as I can so they wont be surprised when I have a flare up. This Lupus is like a Cancer it attacks major organs in your body. I try to always keep a positive attitude but I'm like how can I be positive when I tale like 25 pills a day. They are the high light of my morning. I just went to the eye doctor last week and they said I have to have bifocals put in my glasses due to the Lupus. So I'm thinking to myself this damn Lupus is going to take over. But the other side of me was like girl pick you out so fly frames and keep it rolling.  Even though days I don't want to get out of bed I thank God for keeping me and waken me up in my right mind.

How I been feeling lately

I know at the beginning of 2012 I deiced to work on me physically, mentally, and whoop the Lupus ass. Since my diagnose back in March,. I have been trying to eat right and exercise and get out this house for awhile. But I have noticed that more sleep I get, the better my mind, better my body feels. To have Lupus , is like having to fight for your own body against your on body it can become very stressful. I strongly believe if  you don't have a strong mind, your body will start to break down physically. Being to negative will just break you down. I say this because complaining  about hurting all the time you have to learn how to keep pushing. So this year I'm trying to start off with a good diet. I also would like to walk a little so that i can get my leg strength  back to the way they were. I'm really going around in circles with this illness is like a ex relationship that you just let them treat you wrong. Lupus is very tricky to me. Its seems that Lupus is like cancer attacking your major organs. The major organs being , heart, lungs,skin, stomach, kidneys, brain and a couple of other things.I just pray everyday that all this would go away. But unit its time for the good Lord to call me home I'm going to fight.

No Sleep

Well it is 3:13a.m. and I am up in allot of pain. I guess I'm going through a Lupus flare. But any how, today when I went to Dialysis today and since it is close to Christmas I passed out candy to the patients, nurses, and the Dialysis techs. It made me feel real good. Well since my mother passed in 2006 Christmas is not the same for me. Christmas was my mothers' favorite holiday. I  can remember her struggling trying to get me all the gifts I wanted for Christmas. But since she has left me the only thing I want for Christmas is my mother. I cant believe that I'm sick and my mother is not here to make it better. But thank God, that my family is here to help me out in this most critical time in my life. Just remember its the little things that count that you do for people.